Thursday, December 18, 2008

Writing Therapy-Part 2: But I have never been unloved.

Last night I shared some very deep feelings in my heart. Some that has their ways of stirring me up inside and the same ones that satan uses in my life from time to time. First, I wanted to say thank you for those who have shared their intimate feelings about how satan tells you the same lies. Thank you for seeing my post as it was intended. Not to bad mouth people from my school or my family, but to share my struggles. I felt relieved when I woke up this morning to read your comments/emails (and even a phone call!) about your time of uncertainty with those around you.

You may have noticed a while back that I had posted at the top (but since moved to the bottom because something else went in its place for a time and I haven't moved it back up) a Wordle. My friend Juli introduced Wordles to me. I watched the video below and was inspired to do a Wordle about it and I added a few extras that applied to me also.

I have been.....

unaware of the ones living in poverty who needed me
unexceptional to a point that I hide in shame
unmerciful to murderers
unfaithful to His commands
unfair to a loved one
ungodly in times that I needed Him the most
unwise in my decisions and actions
unapproachable because of my pain
unwilling to apologize when I should
undesirable because I have torn myself
undecided about my life decisions
unworthy to be His
unemotional to hide the true feelings
unfit to use the Word
unteachable when I really needed a lesson
unmended as yesterday's post shows
unsure of my feelings
unreachable because I chose to not be
unqualified to give advice when I did
untrue to myself
uneasy with being me
unbroken when I should have been broken
undone from the very things I should be tied to
unrighteous in every moment of my life


No matter what I do in my life, I will never be unloved. Amazing, huh? Do you believe it for yourself? Do you let satan tell you otherwise?

As you know from yesterday's post, there are times that I do. Unfair to God and those who love me-I do. I am thankful for all the words of encouragement and love that each of you gave me today and regularly give. In no way am I saying you haven't done enough. It's like there are times that your spouse/significant other can tell you a thousand times that you are beautiful, but for some reason you find it hard to believe. My feelings and overemotional thoughts may not make sense to some, but one thing I have learned about feelings is that there is always a reason that people feel the way that they do and no matter the reason-it's not petty.

I was once told by someone to imagine popping satan's balloons in your head as they pop up with unkind, destructive things written in them. I do have to admit that as childish as it sounds it really does help, but I think the key is understanding and realizing that it is satan himself. It's not the kid in school that picked on you and said the nasty things--its how you let satan run wildly inside your mind and inevitably tear you down. If someone (or sometimes even yourself) says something hurtful for the purpose of being hurtful-recognize that it's just that alone and don't allow satan to use it. When we focus on satan's words we lose focus on the Voice of Truth and we begin to feel crushed.

I also believe there are times in our lives where we have an opportunity to share when it's not easy to help others and I saw that again today. I have been able to sit across the table with many of you and talk either in person or on the other end of a computer and I have been amazed by you and how it seems that God has knit a friendship based on various circumstances in our lives. I'm amazed how God speaks through you to me and I find comfort in your words and your stories.

It makes me wonder how many people that I have been "unaware" of. Maybe it's someone who needs an ear, a confidant, a friend. Maybe it's that person that needed a phone call to be asked, "how are you?" Maybe it's the child that is hungry or homeless. Maybe it's the stranger that just needed a friendly smile.

What are we offering daily to others? How are we stepping out of our shell to say--not only does Jesus love you, but I love you.


Britt said...

Once, I noticed (really saw with my eyes and heart) an elderly person sitting at the front of the grocery store. They do that...probably waiting for whoever to pick them up...or they got tired and needed a rest. They usually look pretty cranky too. I made a point to look this person in the eyes and say hello while I was passing. They're demeanor completely changed...they smiled and said a (surprised) hello back. Since then, I make it a point to do this each time I see a person (esp elderly) sitting at the front of the store, as I'm leaving.

When you really look around...people are in such a hurry they don't even take time to say hello to one another. They're too worried about "themselves."

I agree...with you...let's show others that we love them, just as Jesus loves us.

Juli Jarvis said...

This is wonderful! I had never seen this video before (or heard the song even) -- and I'm posting it on Facebook! Abbie, I have felt unloved most of my life. This is a good reminder that we must never listen to the voice of our enemy!

Juli Jarvis said...

Abbie -- here's a really special post from another about the things we believe about ourselves:

Jill Foley said...

It reminds me of what Beth Moore encouraged us to do....

Love Deeply! Encourage one another!

I, too, love this song.

The Leeth family said...

I is hard know ing you used to be so close and we didn't ever hang out when we could have. I drove down 19th street the other day and thought of you as I passed your old neighbrhood. I have been going through many of the same questions and looking to find that "friend" to lean on. I cried a lot the other day when my phone never rang and Jon was too busy to talk. I actually asked the question of what would it matter if I were gone. I told Jon it would only matter to my boys! I think we all desire that one other person to respond to us the way only God can! I tend to overlook Him in these times, knowing deep down He is there, but wanting the physical human there to comfort me!
I know I am loved! I also need to be reminded of that in each of these wuestioning moments!
But it is always nice to have someone next to you that understands and can selflessly be you friend!

Ben, Kelly and Sophie said...

Abby, thanks for your honesty the last two days. I was praying over this same subject this morning (before reading either post). There is a friend at work who makes it obvious that she THINKS she is unloved. God has placed it on my heart to show her otherwise. She doesn't always make it easy, but I must see her though His eyes, just like you said. I have no idea what she's going through and must treat her with Christ's compassion and love... of myself I cannot do it but with him all things are possible. Thanks for sharing.

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