Friday, September 1, 2006

Thankful Tears

I have had a lot of things on my mind the past few weeks, and, I guess, I am writing this evening to try to sort some of these things out. If you are going to read this, you will have to just bear with me while I jump around from here to there. Hopefully, in the end all of it will come together.

In the last few weeks, new lives have been born, and others are growing old-their bodies shutting down and preparing to leave this world. Some new parents are trying to learn how to be good parents and how to raise their child, while others mourn because they will not get to see their child grow up-their babies are struggling and fighting for every hour they may have. There are people rejoicing and laughing, while others are hurting and suffering. I, guess, in witnessing these things, lately, I have truly realized that our lives and the lives of the people we love, that we take for granted, are so temporary, and we never know at what moment it will come to an end.

Even in my own life, my own earthly body-I have taken for granted. I go throughout the day thinking that nothing can stop me. While holding the hand of the man I love, I will watch my daughter grow up to be the woman I raised her to be. I will watch her have children of her own. And eventually, I will die, peacefully, from simply growing old. But sometimes life sends you a curve ball, and you realize it isnt always straight and easy. Personally, I had put off seeing a doctor about my asthmatic symptoms, even though in a matter of minutes an asthma attack could come and leave me trying to reach a hospital. Also, I support the Breast Cancer Foundation for the women who have lost their lives to breast cancer, but also, because my grandmother and both great grandmothers battled breast cancer-leaving a scary, untold future for me and my sister. Car accidents, drunk drivers, heart disease, meteors hitting the earth (that one is for you, Christina)are among the things that could bring my life to screeching halt, and how do I live my life? In denial-plain and simple. I am a warrior, clothed in the armor of a knight-not ever to be harmed.

Tonight, with my daughter cradled in my arms, I cried. The happiness I feel when I am around her, the love that binds us, the fears of losing her, and the thankfulness that I have in God for giving me my healthy, little girl-were wrapped by each tear. Yes, sometimes, I fear when my time will come. I do want to grow old with Chris, I want to watch my little girl grow up, and I feel I have a lot of work to do before I can go home, but its not up to me. Sometimes I wonder why I fear going home-to the place of no pain, tears, or sadness-thats probably a whole other topic there. But I dont write these things to be gloomy or to strike fear in the minds of the ones reading this. We shouldnt live our lives in fear of what tomorrow may bring. But, instead, we should live our lives each day-thankful that we were granted, yet, another day. As cheesy at it may sound-How we spend that day, is up to us.

For: Great Grandma Donna, breast cancer survivor, but battling other medical problems right now*Grandma Anita, breast cancer victim (I miss you greatly, Grandma)*Great Grandma Mathis, breast cancer survivor (you fought long and hard, a true warrior)*Grace Elizabeth, born with Spina Bifida and Trisomy 18 (we are praying for you little one and for your family to be eased during this time of pain-may they be blessed during your short time here on Earth)*Kevins Mom, just diagnosed with cancer*Maureen, battling Multiple Sclerosis*My mother-in-law, Benita, coping with new medical conditions after a recent back surgery*my Mom, Donna, suffering from hairline hip fractures and undergoing tests*The Hernandez, Hager, Seda, and Sorrell families getting ready to bring new lives into this world*Luke, who was born 9/30/06, healthy, to Matt and Summer* and for all the others in the world who are sick, the doctors who try to heal them, and the friends and family praying for them.
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